


The Best Day of Solas' Life

by Tranquil_Tevine



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Humor, Intimacy, M/M, Solas Bashing, Swearing, Trolling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-17 22:59:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5888530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tranquil_Tevine/pseuds/Tranquil_Tevine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Idris Lavellan was sick of Solas and his bitching. It was time for some fun...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prickly Cactus

**Author's Note:**

> By the first line, you know what you're getting into. Be warned :P

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idris was the kind of elf who didn't beat around the bush. He had an idea, he would put it into plan. By Mythal he couldn't be more glad for this one.

“Fucking son of a bitch, bloody bastarding twinkle twatting dumblecunt!”

 

Idris Lavellan was angry, to say the least. That admittedly was a common occurrence. However, no one got under his skin like Solas did. It was almost like he was put on this earth to purposely aggravate him.

 

He certainly wasn't the most well spoken or eloquent elf in all of Thedas true, but he'd been this way for as long as he could remember. If they didn't like him, well fuck them! Or one elf in particular...

 

Pacing up a storm in his quarters, he began to plot.

 

“There must be a way to get revenge, after all he's said and done, on top of spoiling the prank myself and Sera had lined up for Leliana.”

 

Sitting down at his desk, he drummed his fingers idly.

 

He was going to address Solas as Cactus, Idris' personal reason being that a Cactus has so many pricks, you can't tell how many there are. Solas is a Cactus, a prick upon multiple pricks. The biggest prick there is. He'd have to find a way to turn him green.

 

What stood out on Solas, except his personality, was the way he dressed. Now, what would make his outfit look better?

 

He must have sat there for several minutes before something clicked.

 

 _'While he's sleeping, apply strong adhesive to a pudding basin toupee, sticking it to his head.'_   What an idea!

 

He wasn't stupid. He knew there was something huge Solas was keeping from him and from the Inquisition as a whole. He wasn't just a simple Elven Apostate, he carried himself with too much wisdom and awareness of how the world worked. And he'd be damned if he didn't find out.

 

He was thankful that Solas, or anyone for that matter, couldn't read minds. Leaving his quarters, he locked the door securely.

 

“I could do with a laugh!” Smirking, he marched in the direction of Skyhold's Stables. ”Now, where was that toupee I conveniently spotted lying around a few days ago?” Varric eyed The Inquisitor and his scheming face and wisely decided to keep out of the way...

 

Idris had acquired Adhesive and Glue from Blackwall. Thankfully, he asked no questions of why he wanted to use it. Solas was often asleep since there were new places in the fade to explore since at Skyhold. He'd go there now. No, wait. He needed backup. A slight intervention was in order.

 

**At Herald's Rest**

 

“Sera?”

 

“Ser Lordybloomers!” She cocked her head.

 

“I need your help to prank Solas. You in?”

 

She giggled. ”Am I in? Course! So what's going on?”

 

He informed Sera of his plan. ”I need you to keep a lookout in case anyone stops by. Can you do that?”

 

Grinning manically, she rushed off, Idris running after her. “This will be grand!”

 

**Solas' Little Dreamer Room**

 

“Zzzz.”

 

The soft snores of Solas could be heard from outside the door. He pointed to the side.

 

“Stand guard there. I'll close the door behind me. If anyone tries to go in, distract them as best you can. If that fails,”

 

He grimaced.

 

“Let's try not to shall we?”

 

“Gotcha. You going in or not?”

 

Taking a deep breath, he slowly opened the door. _'Here goes.'_

 

Adhesive and glue already applied to the inside of the toupee, he quietly tiptoed to the sofa Solas was sleeping on.'Thank Mythal I'm a Rogue!'

 

He was flat out. You'd think he'd be a light sleeper, but it seems the fade brings him into a deep slumber. Great for this. Personally, he thought the whole thing was trippy as fuck and he was left more than disturbed when he woke up one night in his own bed from talking with him, somehow back in Haven. Never again, sod that.

 

Anyway, to business.

 

Crouching down beside Solas' head propped up on the sofa arm, Idris gently positioned it, pressing down slightly. It was larger than it needed to be, so it fit with ease. A lovely shade of neon pink. Sure to attract the elven ladies.

 

Foregoing breathing so as not to laugh, he was about to leave when-

 

“You can't go in there!”

 

“And why not, exactly?”

 

“Er-Um, You just can't! Someone's let off a massive fart and the place is off-limits!”

 

“Ugh. That doesn't explain why you are out here?”

 

“I'm keeping guard. Make sure no one breathes in toxic shit. Good yeah?”

 

“You're hiding something, I don't believe you, I'm going in.”

 

“No!-”

 

Shit.

 

His heart nearly stopped. It was Cassandra. Wild-eyed, he looked for an escape route. The ladder!

 

Sprinting, he climbed up the steps, two at a time. Where now? He looked above. The second floor wasn't that far if he could just jump... This may be a time where his athletics skills came in handy. He crouched down, leaping into the air-

 

And grasped the ledge above him. Yes! Hoisting himself up, he vaulted over the wooden barrier.

 

'Phew!' He still needed to leave this area though. Maybe he'd have enough time to vault out of the window. He was exhausted already! Damn adrenaline.

 

“What are you doing, Amatus? The stairs are perfectly suitable for your need in reaching this floor. No daredevil antics needed.”

 

Ah, Dorian. Whoops! He'd forgotten about him. Amazing, considering he was hardly forgettable.

 

He blushed furiously. Only Dorian could bring the sensitive side out in him.

 

“I-*Pant* haven't got time now. I'll come and see you later as right now, I'm in deep shit. Though it's nice to see your gorgeous face, I'll appreciate it later. Bye!”

 

Before Dorian could respond, he quickly kissed him, before spinning one of his daggers point blank at the window. The glass smashed beyond repair. He promptly dived through the new opening, somehow managing not to gain a scratch. Lucky he was so slender!

 

Dorian sighed. “What has our dear Inquisitor gotten himself into?”

 

Leaping out of the window, he found himself on a short, slanted roof. He needed to get higher.

 

The walls of Skyhold were made from Solid blocks of stone. Over many years, they'd given way due to natural causes and time itself. Therefore, they provided some excellent footholds. Out of breath and sweat upon his brow, he began the long climb upwards. He nearly slipped once or twice but thankfully, managed to regain his footing. The tallest tower roof was in sight. He pulled himself up, collapsing on his back in exhaustion. Now, he had time to think. As much as he'd love to watch Solas' face when he realised he had hair of a questionable style and colour, he felt it wasn't wise because then there would be proof that was responsible. It was best to wait it out and return in a few hours.

 

A loud snort escaped, followed by chuckles. The day's events caught up with him.

 

“AHAAHHAHAAA!”

 

He couldn't stop laughing. He was gasping for breath and he knew it would only be worse once he saw Solas walking around. He lay there for what felt like hours, laughing to his heart's content.

 

** Meanwhile... **

 

Cullen raised his head, mind still full of the day's reports. Was that, laughter? Rubbing his temple he sighed, sensing an impending headache.

 

“Oh sweet maker, what on earth has happened now?”

 

Josephine's conversation with Mother Giselle regarding the remaining Chantry clerics opposing the formation of The Inquisition came to a halt. She heard a very faint sound. She couldn't describe it, but chills went down her spine. “Everything will be fine, I hope.” She murmured to herself.

 

Leliana's ears pricked. Someone was having a good time, judging from the noises she could hear coming from above. Eyes glimmering in amusement, she returned to the task at hand.

 

Cole felt the laughter more than he heard it. He became overwhelmed with feelings of euphoria. In his dark corner, he wondered what The Inquisitor had found to make him so happy...

 

Blackwall had a bad feeling. Finishing up the last touches of his rocking horse, he thought that the crazy laughter he could hear coming from the rooftops belonged suspiciously to Lavellan. He knew letting him borrow the adhesive and glue would come back to bite him in the arse.

 

 _'Oh_ _well_ _,'_   He shrugged. Nothing he could do now but to wait and find out what he actually did use it for. Nothing good probably, or so he thought.

 

Bull choked on the mouthful of Maraas-Lok he was swallowing, spitting some of the contents onto the table. Varric stood up on his seat to slap him on the back.

 

“Whoa easy there tiny. What's got you so surprised?”

 

Bull frowned. ”Don't you hear that laughter? Where's it coming from?”

 

“Now that you mention it, I do.”

 

Varric slapped a palm on his face. ”Ah shit. I saw the Inquisitor today. He looked terrifying, with the biggest scheming face you've ever seen.”

 

They turned to look at each other. Laughing, Bull took another swig of his drink, a full one this time.

 

“Whatever's happened, I'm sure we'll hear about it. Crap's going down!”

 

Clinking their tankards together, they drank in honour of who or what was in trouble.

 

Vivienne was out on the balcony, one of the few who had some idea of what was going on. Lavellan was on the roof above her, roughly. She'd spotted him ascending the tower but didn't call out as she was too baffled to do so. A rare thing, for her.

 

 _'How distasteful. This is the man meant to lead the Inquisition, reduced to laughter and petty childish pranks.'_   Oh, how she sometimes regretted joining.

 

Sera had managed to take a peek inside since Cassandra had burst in before she could stop her. Lavellan's laughter only fuelled her own once she saw the state of Solas.

 

“Haha! Oh, this will go down in history. See you!”

 

She ran as fast as her legs would carry her, situating herself on her own rooftop, joining her fellow prankster in laughter.

 

Cassandra couldn't speak, move, do nothing. She wasn't sure whether to wake Solas or to leave and pretend it never happened. She decided on the latter.

 

Groaning, she retreated. “Let someone else deal with this.”

 

Hearing all of the commotions since his quirky lover had made a run for the window, Dorian decided to investigate. He just caught Sera running out of the door, Cassandra following at a more leisurely pace. He spotted something pink.

 

“Now what do we have here?” Descending the stairs, he was faced with a most alarming sight. Solas had somehow obtained a ghastly shade of pink hair. The style did nothing for him either.

 

Laughing heartily, he couldn't resist teasing on how it didn't really match up with his 'I can't afford decent clothes' look. He'd save that for when he woke up.

 

In the moment of silence, he heard distant laughter of his Amatus.

 

 _'_ _Ah,_ _so that's what he was up to.'_

 

Dorian promised to himself he'd give him a nice little surprise for amusing him so. Give it a few hours and he'd head for The Inquisitors Quarters.

 

Solas slept on, unaware of the world of embarrassment, bewilderment and anger he would feel once awake and gazing at his reflection.

 

 

**Early the next morning**

 

Needless to say, Idris was happy. Not only did he pull a prank on Solas, but Dorian showed up while he was in bed! They had sex nearly all night. He was aching, but content.

 

Tucked in Dorian's arms, he nuzzled his neck, nibbling it a little. The arm supporting him began stroking his hair, while the other lifted his chin. His eyes found Dorian's. Smiling, he kissed him, biting his bottom lip.

 

“Ready for another round, are we?” A whisper in his ear.

 

Idris grinned. “As much as I would love that, I'm awake for a reason. Please tell me I'm not alone in wanting to see Solas appreciate his new found hair?”

 

Chuckling, Dorian agreed. “Indeed, I am curious as to how he believes he'll pull off such terrible colour co-ordination.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Idris reluctantly removed himself from the warmth, getting dressed.

 

He turned to Dorian, winking cheekily. ”We can continue after watching Solas have his meltdown.”

 

Still naked, Dorian stood up, wrapping his arms around him from behind, kissing his shoulder.

 

“I will hold you to that, Amatus. Very well, I will get dressed as well. As much as it would be amusing to roam Skyhold in my current state of undress.”

 

Once fully clothed, they left The Inquisitor's Quarters, hand in hand.

 

Idris was in heaven. Not that he wasn't during the night he had of course, but this had surpassed all his expectations. Blackwall, was what you'd call, a master troll. He lived to annoy Solas practically and for that, Idris worshipped the ground he walked on. He was relentless.

 

“New look for the ladies? You're more likely to pick up men with that style.”

 

“What do your spirit friends think of it? Pretty sure they'd ask to make love with the lights turned off if there are lights to turn off in the fade.”

 

“It's ok if you have something to tell me regarding your sexuality, I won't judge. Much.”

 

“That pink really brings out the colour of your eyes.”

 

Idris would buy the man several rounds if he wished. What a legend. Sera was just as good with her teasing. Every time she walked by him, it was 'Pinky' this, 'Pinky' that. Even better since Solas loathes her.

 

Dorian kept giving him fashion tips, little comments here and there. Those 3 were really laying into him.

 

He'd started calling Solas Cactus. No one knew why and he'd like to keep the reasoning to himself for a while.

 

Bull and Varric openly laughed when they spotted Solas, Varric raising his eyebrows and Bull throwing a wolf whistle his way.

 

Everyone else, give or take a few members of The Inquisition, were equally amused, but didn't let on.

 

Idris wasn't sure when the hair would come off, but he hoped it lasted for a while. He felt glares thrown his way by Solas. He most likely suspected him, but with no proof, there was nothing he could do about it.

 

Grinning, Idris decided that sometime in the future he'd write a '101 Ways to Annoy Solas' List and get help from his fellow party members.

 

He was glad Solas was sticking around, he needed someone to take his mind from the darker reality.

 

Reclining in his chair a little, his eyes sparkled.

 

_'Bring it on.'_


	2. The Power of Hard Boiled Egg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas had awoken from his trip into the fade, almost wishing he'd stayed there permanently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though a million years late, something mainly from Solas' POV xD

Since joining The Inquisition, Solas was beginning to rethink his stance on staying, even if his job was to, in some way, guide Lavellan such as leading him to Skyhold. In all his existence he had never encountered such an infuriating elf, who refused to take anything seriously unless it suited him.

 

So deep into the fade, outside influences never affected him and as such, the pink monstrosity which had built itself a home on his head went unnoticed and once he'd awoken and gazed at his reflection with no small amount of bewilderment and horror, he knew immediately who the culprit was, Sera no doubt involved.

 

He was a practical person, the seriousness of the threat which faced them thanks to Corypheus unlocking his orb and surviving the results at the forefront of his mind.

 

He could appreciate jokes for what they were at the core, something to keep spirits raised and boost morale, but this was more at this expense than anything. Not to mention that upon returning to the fade after being unable to remove the offending item, his friends had either adapted to his new addition well or avoided him.

 

Spirits of wisdom avoided him, perhaps not as subtly as they wished while a spirit of passion did the opposite. Indeed, he shuddered at the remembrance of fade-like fingers ghosting across his rear, about to head somewhere even worse if not for his hasty retreat.

 

It was as if the words of Blackwall had doomed his trip to the fade, to the point where the desire to gag him with his own facial hair became more appealing daily, not to mention Dorian.

 

Just thinking of anyone outside of the fade filled him with deep irritation. Not only had his friends changed their attitude towards him, at least until he managed to remove his temporary hair, it now dulled the edge he had in most places with combat.

 

Where the sun shined strongest, it reflected off the surface of his head, the shine so bright it blinded the foes they faced for a short while, even Dragons.

 

A few days later, they had a very different reaction. Though Rage and Desire demons expressed nothing but what they were twisted into, he could almost swear a glimpse of a smile could be seen as they combatted frost and the flames were not as blazing as they used to be.

 

The first time Solas had encountered a Dragon after the incident it paused mid fireball, fierce eyes staring him down until a second later, a burst of flames left its nostrils, making strange growling sounds sounding suspiciously like laughter. They hadn't the chance to draw weapons as the ground shook with the weight of a Dragon hitting it, laying there, unmoving, the laughter literally killing it.

 

Solas was not amused. He didn't find anything amusing about the situation. He chose not to have hair by choice, both because his natural hair resembled that of an afro and anything at all covering his head prevented his wisdom particles from floating into the air and infecting The Inquisitor, which was what he wanted. Without his wisdom, Solas feared failure. Though he had decided there was nothing at all redeemable about this world, The Inquisitor remained of use until Corypheus perished by his hand. After that, nothing would prevent him from what he set out to do.

 

He was snapped from his thoughts by the hearty laugh of Blackwall, tears blurring his vision as he held his stomach.

 

"Oh, the sight will never get old." Still chuckling to himself, Solas' eyes narrowed in displeasure. "I knew you'd attract the attention of the spirit ladies. dominant ones apparently, I didn't think the fade was real enough for hickeys to appear."

 

At first, Solas thought he was joking, but he couldn't be more wrong. As he was not in his usual room but in the war room for a group meeting, naturally everyone heard and their gazes locked onto him.

 

Face matching the new hairstyle he said not a word, eyebrows drawing a frown so deep, Idris was positive they'd change into the wings of a bird and fly off his face.

 

He didn't bother to hold back his laughter either, Blackwall having to loosen his armor so he could get the needed air into his lungs, most of the other occupants joining them in laughter.

 

Vivienne despite it all couldn't help but agree with Dorian, the colour really did nothing for him.

 

It was perhaps the greatest moment of Sera's life. She would forever treasure Mr up his own arse actually having a normal embarrassed expression.

 

While Idris was thinking that buying more rounds for Blackwall would be money well spent, Dorian had the sudden urge to ravish his lover again, for keeping things so light-hearted. While a part of him still thought Solas would have benefitted from another colour entirely, he couldn't deny the usefulness in combat.

 

The Commander, The Spymaster and The Ambassador all wondered if they weren't witness to the feeding of Druffalo in a pen rather than a serious meeting.

 

Varric had yet to introduce Hawke to Lavellan, however, he had the feeling they would get along famously, Hawkes' sarcastic sense of humor brought many a chuckle out of him on their journeys, not to mention the pranks he used to pull when younger, according to Bethany. It would be twice the fun, no doubt.

 

Bull couldn't deny it. Solas pissed him off at times. Though their game of mental chess revealed that Solas was a conniving yet clever son of a bitch, often their conversations headed in the direction of disagreement. Sure, most of the things they kicked the shit out of had families, but they were assholes. How many of those assholes had taken family away from innocent people?

 

He respected Solas, though he couldn't help but think he needed taking down a peg or two.

 

Though Cole chose to be unseen and unheard, he found himself at a loss. While he was used to sensing the emotions of others he couldn't define one from the other, so many in the room with contrasting emotions that he couldn't differentiate between them.

 

Much like the past few days and once she'd first encountered Solas, Cassandra decided to stay away from the madness, half worried it was contagious.

 

Sighing internally Solas waited for seriousness to reassert itself, though he'd be waiting for a long while. Idris would make sure of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, the thought of Solas blinding enemies with his egg-like head had me laughing for ages xD as stupid as it is I had to include it

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone's interested I can do a short piece from Solas' POV when he wakes up and sees himself xD Oh and as a side note Idris is my 10th Inquisitor, has actually got an angry yet humorous personality and is in a relationship with Dorian so its fact based on Fiction!


End file.
